We want to believe that in our deepest relationships, the people we love (whether it be our friends, family, or partner) will love us no matter the best or worst of our situations.
Although their love comes with expectations or conditions, sometimes we find out the hard way. Being in a relationship that makes us feel like we need to get busy for love can be personally and relationship damaging. It doesn’t mean we’re not loved, but Love is conditional.
Despite the painful effects it has on our ability to love and be loved, it can be hard to see signs of it. Here’s how to think about conditional love for real weapons.
Do you want to learn a secret technique that everyone can master to make people fall in love with you?
What Is Conditional Love?
As the name suggests, conditional love is a love based on reciprocity or expectation, and is a love that can be preserved when those circumstances are “met.” Now, this is different from simply setting standards for your partner or relationship. “Conditional love” is about making a person feel that, in order to be loved by someone, they owe them something, or that certain thresholds must be met in order to be loved.
The risk is that if a person is in this situation for too long, it destroys their self-esteem. They develop a habit of pleasing others and are afraid to draw the line in case they annoy someone so much that they give up or stop loving them. if you are that kind of person Always put other people’s needs above your own This could be you.
In contrast, unconditional love doesn’t make excuses for you, but accepts you at your best and worst and supports you when you can’t always give back.
Never Good Enough
If love is conditional on you, you will always feel like you have to give more than you already have. You give more than you get and feel like you shouldn’t ask for anything in return. You worry about asking for help for fear of looking like a burden, but try anyway Say no when someone asks you for help.
Your partner may be making you feel like you need to do certain things to lure them into a good mood or convince them to be affectionate. If you don’t meet a specific list of expectations, they may limit you by criticizing you or starting an argument and becoming distant.
Depleting Your Energy
One of the best ways to assess healthy love is to assess how you felt when you left. Do you feel more energized or more tired? While all of our social battery relationships are based on mutual unconditional love, you feel balanced and hopeful. by contrast One-sided love can leave you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated.
If you’re always trying to be on someone’s good side or to impress them, worrying that if you don’t listen and care regularly, then they won’t love you anymore, your stress hormones will skyrocket. As cortisol levels increase, you feel drained from their presence your life.
Walking On EggShells
You feel this when you’re going to meet a particular person. You may feel uneasy, wondering which side of them you are going to get, or hope they are in a good mood, as this will reduce the chances of you irritating them. These relationships are usually Codependency makes you feel responsible for the well-being of others.
The happiness of others is never your responsibility, so these expectations doom you to failure. It creates a relationship where someone is always disappointed in your ability to fill in the blanks, and only they can take responsibility and shift responsibility where it doesn’t belong. Their love depends on how happy you can make them at the expense of your own happiness.
More Loving In Public
Some people care more about how their love looks than how they actually express it. When you finally convince your partner to go to a restaurant with you, you might beg for a little extra attention or affection, only to suddenly get it. their love status You are there to make them look good to others. Reputation is more important than how you feel.
However, a person who loves you unconditionally is more likely to share their love for you in private moments just the two of you.
Keeping Tabs
Beware of people who like to remind you that they have done good things for you. Showing love to you isn’t a chore, they can check off a checklist when you don’t do what they like and throw it back in your face.
The same applies to arguments. When you confront them, their defense should not be to remind you that you may have done something similar in the past. It’s a way of putting the onus on you so they don’t have to bear the responsibility of completely ignoring the problem at hand and neglecting How it makes you feel. With unconditional love, your feelings are respected and they apologize for the repercussions of their actions regardless of intent.
“Always” and “Never”
When the words “always” or “never” are used to describe the way you handle a situation, it usually gets you excited. It’s a way of twisting words into new beliefs designed to control you or make you question your own sanity.
Repeating things like: “You’re always so sensitive” or “You’re never happy with what I do” is hyperbole that manipulates the conversation on a psychological level. Repeated exposure can make you think you are Unreasonable, what they say must be true.
Draw A Boundary
Sometimes love is not enough. Someone who loves you conditionally still means they love you, but their love will definitely hurt you.
In any relationship, look at your feelings and ask: Has this person made you love yourself more?
Love is more than kisses and butterflies. If you want to learn more about what your natal chart reveals about how you love yourself and what you need from your partner, check out this personalized report based on your date of birth.
We don’t blame you for feeling frustrated with dating and wanting to stick to the comfortable ways, but if you’re struggling to find and maintain a great relationship, click here to learn how to break the cycle.
